UNIT and the Attack of the NERF Guns
by Stitch54
Summary: With a visit from the Queen looming, the last thing the Brigadier needs is for the Doctor to go on a rampage with guns and 21st century teenagers at his disposal.


**UNIT and the Attack of the NERF Guns**

The wind whistled through the trees as the birds remained silent. Hidden in the shadows, a predator lay in wait for its prey. The nozzle of a bright orange and blue rapid fire sniper gun stuck out from under the bushes as the young boy with the finger on the trigger adjusted his tinted glasses. He could feel the adrenaline rising, the beat of his heart getting harder and faster in his chest. Soon, Lydia would sound the whistle, and all hell would break loose in Oliver's back garden.

Steve shifted his body into a more comfortable position. And from just that slight movement, he caught sight of hid first target. Jessica was lying in wait as the opposing sniper in the small tree house Oliver's dad had built for his younger brother. Steve smiled and licked his teeth in delight.

It was boys verses girls. Now that may sound unfair, and it was on the boys half. The girls always seemed to win. Huw put it down to womanly wiles, but Steve called it pure luck. He'd been practising all summer for this; the end of summer holiday showdown. If the boys didn't win this afternoon, Steve's mum yelling at him for leaving polystyrene darts all over the house would have been for nothing.

The whistle was blown and the ten teenagers went into action. Oliver, Huw, Mark and Ian all crept out from the bushes by Steve and made their ways over to the small wooden boards they had set up for protection. The aim of the game was to retrieve the other team's treasure, which was actually just one of Oliver's sisters' stuffed bears.

Steve looked out across Oliver's sun dried back garden that was their battlefield. He could see Jessica keeping an eye on the movement of the girls. Lydia would be the one carrying the heavy duty blaster whilst Sandy, Tasha and Tish would have the smaller revolvers. Ian had the boys' blaster with the others carrying the revolvers.

Keeping an eye of Jessica's movements, Steve gathered which direction the girls were heading, and whistled the small tune for the boys to go right. They'd settled on one for centre, two for right and three for left. The girls will have chosen something similar Steve knew. It was normally winking and blinking.

The boys listened to Steve's command, and Ian signalled for the other three to move before him. He would stay in the centre for the best blasting opportunity. Obeying the command, Huw then bent around the side of the board to see if there was any sign of the girls. And screamed.

It was shameful that a boy of sixteen could scream in such a high pitch, and even more so that he could carry such a look of terror on his face as he crawled back around. Then there was another scream, this time from one of the girls, revealing their position; they were somehow already level with Steve off to the right.

Steve then jumped out of his skin as a man stepped up in the middle of the lawn in amongst the various blockades they had set up. He was very tall and was it would seem, to be wearing a scarf of multiple colours around his neck; in August! He then grinned at the boys as they sheepishly stood. "Oy mate!" they heard Jessica call from her position in the tree house, "This is private property!"

"Yes I know", he smiled; his voice deeper than any of the boys would dream for theirs to break to, "I have a proposition for you chaps".

"And ladies", an unfamiliar voice added as the four girls marched out of the bushes followed by a lady in scruffy dungarees.

"Yes, sorry Sarah. And ladies", the man continued as he titled the rim of his hat in the light, "How would you like to accompany me and my friend Sarah Jane in raiding a top secret military base with your Nerf guns?"

* * *

><p>The Brigadier nodded as he passed the lines of UNIT troops. They were all in tip top shape for Her Majesty's visit tomorrow. All he'd need now was for the Doctor to turn up with Miss Smith and they'd be complete. Alistair couldn't count how many times he sent messages to the TARDIS on that telegram thing the Doctor had left him to the Doctor about tomorrow. The Queen had specifically asked to see him; she wanted to congratulate him on his work with the Loch Ness Monster.<p>

Benton was at the end of the ranks and gave the Brig a small smile as he finished. The Sergeant could freakishly tell what the Brigadier was thinking about by the manner of his walk. The Brig gave a cough and stood straight. "Mister Benton", Alistair started, "What are the preparations for tomorrow concerning the Doctor's possible no show?"

"We have composed a letter of apology sir", Benton saluted.

"Very good", he nodded as he continued.

Stopping and turning, he signalled for the Captain at the other end of the line to continue out with the orders. The men raised their guns and switched arms. Soon they began to march in a loop around the UNIT HQ concrete yard that they were using for this display. Making his way into the centre of the courtyard, the Brigadier cast a glance up to the sky. The weather looked promising for tomorrow's march.

He then drew his line of sight to the small balcony above the doorway into the control room where the Queen would be residing during the procession. The men had dressed it out in red fabrics and had taken the liberty to go to the local village and commission some lovely painted white metal garden chairs. After a good wash and polish, those chairs were now ready that not even the Queen would think that they had been dug out from the bottom of someone's garden.

As he squinted into the sunlight, the Brigadier thought he could see a figure. Yes, there was someone up there; sitting on one of the chairs with their feet proper up on the railings. "Ah Alistair", the Doctor waved down.

"Doctor", the Brigadier replied as he walked forward so he didn't have to shout as much, "Would you care to explain what you are doing up there?"

"Enjoying the view that's all Alistair", the Doctor smiled, "And wondering whether you have considered my ultimatum".

"Your ultimatum?" the Brig pulled back in shock, "What the devil are you talking about?"

"The one where if you don't get me that electron microscope, I will attack this base with weapons from the far and distant future", the Doctor said as he leant down, "I'd so rather it that no Jelly Babies get hurt".

"This is the first I've heard of it Doctor", Alistair grumbled.

"Is it?" the Doctor frowned in contemplation, before shrugging and pulling out a gun, "Oh well. I've got the weapons now, so I may as well use them".

The Brigadier could not believe what he was seeing. The Doctor had in his hand what looked like a small machine gun painted in bright blue and orange colours. It was streamlined and looked far more advanced than anything the army could have. He then watched in shocked as the Doctor readied to fire. "Men!" the Brig called, "To arms!"

"Sarah Jane", the Doctor smiled as he called across the courtyard.

"Yes Doctor", she popped up on the roof of the opposite building wearing a mat not too dissimilar from the Brig's and saluted her companion. She was also dressed in green combat trousers and white tank top.

"Release the minions", the Doctor smiled.

"At arms!" Sarah Jane called, and then to the Brig's utter horror, ten figures popped up on the surrounding roofs. They were all dressed in darks colours with fluorescent glasses adorning their faces.

The UNIT troops struggled to get themselves together in time. They were just as shocked as the Brigadier. Benton ran up to Alistair's side, gun at the ready. "On your command sir", he saluted, "I can't believe the Doctor would do this sir".

"Well, it seems he is Benton", the Brig huffed, "Open fire!"

The troops did as he commanded, but nothing happened. The guns clicked as the men pressed down the triggers, but no bullets were fired. The guns were empty. They all began to check their belts for more ammo. None. They'd been stripped. "You see Alistair", the Doctor called down, "You chaps were at an unfair advantage".

"FIRE!" Sarah called and the twelve of them pulled the triggers.

The Brig ducked, covered his head in fight. This was it. No more dinners with Doris, his plans for an early retirement down the drain. Whatever weapons the Doctor and his deranged followers were using had to be the quietest weapons he'd ever known. There was no sound, and no screams from his troops. It was silent; bar the raucous laughter of the Doctor, Miss Smith and their companions

The only thing the Brig could feel was a continuous feeling that something was bouncing off of his back. He looked up. Covering the ground was an ever increasing amount of bright orange darts. He picked one close to him up and examined it. This was no bullet; it was a children's toy.

Shaking his head, he stood and felt most of the aim heading his way as he did so. It then stopped and he looked up to see the Doctor dissolving into hysterics above him, and ten teenagers all high fiving each other on the roofs around the courtyard. Miss Smith was in no better condition as she bent over crying in laughter.

"Mister Benton", the Brig grinned wickedly, "I think it is time we dug out the water pistols again. Lessons need to be learnt before Her Majesty's arrival tomorrow".

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>Nerf belongs to Hasbro and was created by the Parker Brothers. Doctor Who belongs to the BBC. The OC's are mine though.


End file.
